LifeClass

Yesterday while at work, I listened to a couple of Oprah's LifeClass shows.  Oprah quoted Iylana Vanzant in the show about Forgiveness. 

Iylana says, " Until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed.  You can try to bandage your wound with food, sex, alcohol, drugs, or work but eventually it will stain your life and you will continue to bleed."

This quote sat with me the whole day. Have I forgiven myself for the things I have done in regards to my marriage and the lose of my job, or have I even forgiven Mister (my husband) for not trying to save our marriage?  Am I living behind my story? These are the thoughts that are invading my mind at this time.  I have prayed on it and let it go.  Oprah interviewed 50 Cents the other night and he said,"  You can either pray on it or worry about it, but you can't do both."  I am the first to admit that I would pray on it and continue to worry about it.  Now I'm just praying about it.

On another note I have yet to sign the divorce papers.  I am struggling with if I should pursue going to court to spilt his retirement account.  At this point in time I just want to be through with him. He doesn't believe that marriage is 50/50.  I tried to tell him that everything he earned I have a legal right to, but he disagrees.  If I contest the divorce and take him to court, I could waste money, what if there isn't even enough in the retirement fund to spilt.  He wouldn't learn a lesson, his feeling will never change, what he earned is his and not mine because we were "separated".  We were only separated because he decided to leave not by law.

I am just ready to move forward without him.  I am actually making plans for my future. I'm still having an internal battle but I am making plans.