Hump Day...

I need to get over this hump.  I am still so very tired. Coffee and those 5-Hour Energy drinks have become my best friends. I have been having trouble sleeping for so long, and I just really want a good nights rest.

So if you read Mondays blog post you know I was struggling with the decision to either put my dog to sleep or let him have they surgery.  Well I decided to let him have the surgery.  He went in yesterday at around 8 in the morning and was released yesterday at 5. He is doing so well because he wanted to walk out of the vet office.  He had a tumor removed from his hip and also some extensive dental work, they had to remove 6 teeth.  He will be back on solid foods by Saturday.  I am so happy about my decision.  I love Nino so much.

Other than having to make that decision I feel all over the place.  I really need to get my shit together. I'm so confused about certain things in my life. On things were I should be crystal clear, I am foggy. Life is so unexpected and take you in directions you never planned to go.  Like right now I am walking aimlessly with out any type of direction.

How Was Your Weekend??

My weekend was marvelous.  I had such a good time.  I feeling every bit of tired this Monday.  This weekend has reminded me that I am not young anymore.  I is getting old.

On Friday I hung with friends and fanily at happy hour. They did a 45 minute Harlem Shuffle mix and I was right there.  I did the whole shuffle, and in the process I had to take my shoes, I sweated out my hair, but I did not stop moving.  If it was a contest I probably could have won.  The dj played all my old school jams. That shuffle served as my 45 minutes of cardio. Here is my pic from Friday night.  My eyes are looking a little low on the picture cause I was tipping. 

On Saturday, I ran errands with my sister and went shopping for a handkerchief for my dad. It was fun hanging out with her, we haven't done anything like that for a while.  On a sad not the vet gave me bad news about my doggy, Nino.  She says that he needs to have surgery ASAP or I need to put him to sleep.  How do you make these decisions.  I am still troubled by it. I want to do what is best by him, but he is old and have lived a good life for the past 14 years. I'm so sad behind that situation.

On Saturday night I went to a friends Halloween party.  My costume was out of sight. I was Snooki from Jersey Shore, and if I say so myself I was a damn good looking Snooki.  The party was fun and the dj was on one. He kept me moving.  Check out my costume. I made my own sunglasses. 

On Sunday it was my social groups F.I.R.E 3rd Anniversary. We had a quick bite to eat before going to Pinot's Palette. Pinot's Palette is a place where you are able to enjoy wine, appetizers, and paint a potrait.  I am so very proud of my potrait. All the ladies did a great job. Pinots Palette is the type of place that is right up my alley.  I love doing things like that.  I like to go to those paint your own pottery places and here I can paint a portrait on canvas.  I absolutely can't wait to go back. For some reason activities like this calms me.

T.G.I.F.

T.G.I. F. Blog World!!!!!

I am so glad its Friday.  This week has been a long one.  I started back working out 1000% and my workload at the new j.o.b. has gotten bigger. I'm not complaining about it because it makes my day go by fast.

I am so looking forward to this weekend. Tonight is happy hour with my sister and then later with my friends. Tomorrow is a Halloween party , I am excited. I am dressing up in costume and can't wait to see how it turns out.  I will be sure to post photos.  Then on Sunday the F.I.R.E. girls and I will be celebrating our 3 year anniversary.  We will be doing something new together.  I can't wait, I'm so excited. We will be going to a place called Pinots Palette. We will be able to drink wine and paint a picture together. This should be fun because I love those "paint your own pottery" places.

I said I'm excited so many times throughout this post.  Well I am. I haven't been this excited in awhile. You guys will hear all about it, come Monday. 

Have a great weekend!!!!!

Feeling Good

I am all smiles today.
I feel so blessed.
I have a job after two years.
I have family and friends that love me and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I wouldn't have made it these past two years if it wasn't for them.  I love them so.
I am just so thankful for everything that is going on in my life.  I feel so appreciative. Things come in due time, patience is the key.
I haven't felt like this in a long time.
I am just full of happiness.

Self Worth

According to the dictionary self worth is described as," respect for or favourable opinion of oneself".
I bring this this up because I was having lunch with a really good friend of mine and we were talking about the relationship between me and my husband. (We are currently separated) She said something like,"I think you allow it because you don't feel like there is someone else out there for you, you don't know what your are worth."  I hope that I am quoting her correctly.

Anyway it got me to thinking, do I value who I am as a person, do I know my self worth?  Those are two very good questions. My initial response to those questions is "I think so".  I should know, why don't I know.  But what determines a person's self worth?  I know that I don't deserve the way he treats me. He shows me no respect, to be honest he treats me as if we just met and not like we have known each other since we were 14.  There are so many questions I can ask myself, "why do I allow him to do this, what keeps me in this position, and why do I allow myself to continue to be hurt by him"  With that being said, his number goes on the call block list. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I pray that it stays there this time around. As for me calling him, if I get the urge to call or text I will just find someone else to call or pray for the strength to not call.

Hopefully by me cutting him off, I can begin to become the best that I can be, and learn my true self worth.  Aren't we all a work in progress?

Cheddar Sour Cream Ruffles

On Monday I started Dr. Ian Fat Smash diet.  I needed this diet, I have gained weight.  I worked so hard to loose the pounds so that I could fit in a bikini for my birthday, just to gain it back. Oh, no no.  So, I started the Fat Smash. I been doing pretty well except for that one day, I broke down and had some Cheddar Sour Cream Ruffles.  Those are my favorite chips now. It was only a handful, but in my mind that hand full held me back.  I was actually surprised that, I only had a hand full because usually I would have finished that bag. I ended up giving them to my nephew. That's in the past and I am only moving forward. Wish me luck.

Getting Back to It

I have neglected my blog in so many ways.  I didn't meant to, it just sort of happened. 
Sometimes I feel as if I have ADD.  Its like I start something but don't finish, even though I really wanted to do it. I started this blog, and I am going to make a conscious effort to blog at least Monday - Friday. Maybe somebody should send me a blog challenge or something so that I would be forced to. So, if there is anyone out there reading my blog and want to tag me in a blog challenge, go ahead and do it.

Im so Thankful

MJB

For some reason I am in a Mary J. Blige type of mood.  She has been in heavy rotation.  Here is just a few of my faves.  Enjoy.


















What are some of your favs?

Who Does That???

So I am here at the beauty shop, getting my hair done. My Aunt Pat puts me under the hair dryer and I getting myself together. I got my book, my Ipod, and my water. While I'm putting my Ipod in, the lady next to me starts asking all these questions about my Ipod, I don't mind she is older and just curious. But out of nowhere where she says,"Let me listen, I hope you ain't got a lot of rap on there, I hate rap. I was taken aback. I was like are you serious, and she was. Which brings me to who does that?

BLAH BLAH BLAH

ARRRGGGGGHHHH, this is how I feel right now.  Its like my mind is foggy, I don't know what's going on around me, and I am just so tired. I have been feeling like this for a minute, I want to feel normal again.

I figured it out though. My blah spells come once a month and they usually last about a two week period. This feeling that I feel now, this blahness, has to do with my hormones.  Think about it ladies, most of PMS the week before our cycle, then our cycle finally comes, and then there is the week after.  I PMS the week before my cycle and then my cycle comes.  During this two week period, I am angry for no reason, I cry just because, restless night, and to top it all off I am horny as hell. Its almost like my own personal recipe for disaster. So if you think about it, I only have two weeks a months where I am normal.  I feel bad for those ladies who PMS before and after, that means only one good week a month for them.  

I'm on Day 4 of Week 1 of this two week hormonal roller coaster.  Today is Wednesday which means I am only on liquids today due to the fast that I am currently on.  But right about now, I want to say fuck this fast, get me a spicy BBQ link sandwich right now. LOL......  

Do Words Really Hurt?

Do you remember the childhood saying " Stick and stones will hurt my bones but words will never hurt me"
I remember reciting that quote throughout my childhood. I was teased a lot as a child and even then I realized that words hurt too.  I still remember some of the hateful things that kids said to me growing up. Throughout the years I have learned to accept and love the things that I was teased about but it took me awhile to get there. 

With that being said I believe that words hurt just as much as a punch to the face, especially when the words are said by someone you love.  Even as an adult I let people words affect me.  Sometimes I let what people say affect my mood, and I still don't know why.  Now I don't know if words hurt me because its the truth (because you know they say that the truth hurts) or are people just that thoughtless about what comes out of their mouth.  I think it can be a little of both. I know that I can't expect people to be the way that I want them to be but they can be thoughtful in the whole process.  I just want people to treat me the way I treat them. Talk to me the way I talk to them. Some people feel like that they can't get their point across unless they are harsh about it, like I am capable of getting the point without you being ugly.

I try to not hurt people with my words.  I used to be harsh with my words, mostly when I'm angry, but that's not an excuse.  Most times, it is not about what is being said but how it is being said.  In 2010 and this year I have really been working on my delivery.  When it comes to certain people I sensor myself a little. I have started to pick and choose my words carefully, just like I pick and choose my arguments. Sometimes it is not even worth the time.

And why is it that people don't know how to keep their mouth shut.  Shut up sometimes, we could have finished this conversation without that last little tidbit you just had to throw in there.  Why is it that some people must have the last word.  I just want to scream Shut The Fuck Up!!!!!

For people words not to affect me, I have to change my mindset.  I can tell myself all day long that I am not going to let what someone say affect me but at the end of the day, I do.  I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I get defensive and try to explain my actions, hell I'm grown, why do I have to explain my actions to another grown motherfucker.  I don't have to, that's a choice I choose to make every time I feel that somebody  words have affected me. I got to do better.

I am a work in progress, I can't say that enough.  Everyday is a lesson learned.

Surprise.......

I get a phone call on this past Thursday night from a friend, asking if I wanted to go to the House of Blues, it was a concert that night. When she told me who was performing, I couldn't believe my ears. Guess who it was, drum roll please......................

She is one of my favorite artist. I have all three of her albums.  I was so excited, words cannot explain.  Let's just say that I was up there singing every song.  I love a good concert and she put one on.  It was a short show but still good nonetheless.  Her voice was so melodic. She sung her best songs. 

OMG...... my friends invite, made my day & week. Everytime I think about the show, a smile magically appears across my face.

When was the last time any of you went to a good concert?

Progress.....

So as you many of you know, I have been on this journery to get myself healthy.  It hasn't been an easy process because I am an emotional eater.  Over the years though I have made changes to the way I eat, what I eat, and getting exercise.  Now don't get me wrong there are days where I just don't care and eat what I want but those days are so far and few between.  The kicker is when I do have those days, I know what needs to be done to get myself back on track. I mentioned earlier that I would post some pics of my progess over the years so here they go........





Sept. 08









Dec.08



May 09



July 09



NYE 09

July 2010

As you can see I have come a long way.  I will continue to update you on my progrress while I continue this process.

Alter Ego

I belong to a social organization. It's just a small group of women who gather each month.  Each month a different member of the group plans the monthly meeting and for the month of February the theme was Alter Ego.  The photographer Derek Blanks made Alter Ego photo shoots popular. I was so excited for the meeting because I couldn't wait to dress up and I couldn't wait to see what everyone else's Alter Ego was.  A lot of different people showed up, we had video vixen, a basketball wife, a ho, a stepford wife, a dominatrix, that's all I remember and then there was me.  I chose to go as a ballerina. I chose ballerina because when I was growing up I took ballet and I always enjoyed it and when I used to watch the Alvin Ailey videos, I always said to myself that's going to be me.  Well life took me down a different path.  So here is a picture of me dressed up as my alter ego. If I say so myself I look fierce. 

 I made my own tutu.  I was going to buy a tutu but my BF was like you should make it, go on YouTube to see how.  So I went on YouTube, found a video and I was like  I can do this. This is easy, all I need is 5 yards.  Oh yeah.  Ummmm..........  no.  That 5 yard was for a little girl,  I ended up going back to the store to get more material 3 times, I believe that I used like 26 yards of fabric.  Even though I was frustrated I survived the whole tutu making process.  I hated it at first.  I thought is was horrible because of something I added to the back but I took it out and I was happy with the outcome you see.   I plan on making my great niece one for her rock star princess birthday.  I'm in the tutu making business.  lol......

The Wire

I know that I am a few years behind, but how many of you out there watched the show The Wire on HBO.  At home we always had HBO and not once did I ever watch this series.  Since people are always raving about it I decided to go to Blockbuster to see what it is all about.  I spent most of the weekend glued to my television and I am done with Season 1.  Let's just say I am HOOKED.  Man that street lifestyle is something else. I know that the show was written by a crime reporter and an ex homicide detective, but is it really like that?  Are the projects really that bad, is that how dope was sold.  I think that is what makes me like the show so much because all this is so new to me.  I mean you got Wallace and Poot living in some raggedy apartment stealing electricity from another apartment across the street. You got Omar robbing people stash houses. On one episode Omar was walking in the projects with a shotgun, whistling a nursery rhyme, people are running & screaming "Omar is coming." It is just crazy. 

I also wanted to say that Idris Elba had swag back then playing Stringer Bell.  Its like he couldn't be touched. Stringer and Avon are always in the background making calculated moves. Now if Idris Elba talked in his native tongue while portraying Stringer I would be squirming in my seat while watching.

The point is I like the show and I can't wait to finish the whole series.  How many of you out there enjoyed the Wire.

Rejection

According to the dictionary rejection is derived from the verb reject which means to refuse, to accept.

Since I have been out of a job, I have been rejected too many times to count. In the beginning I was able to deal with the rejection but as the days turned into weeks, and the weeks into months, and the months into years the rejection is getting old. Some days I feel as if I can't handle it. This post came to mind as I was checking my email and I received an email from a potential employer. I interviewed with this company twice in one week and today I get the "generic email" about how they have chosen another candidate. I took the time out to interview with you twice, you did not validate my parking, and I had to stand in a cold ass warehouse for at least 15 minutes each time while someone from your office came down to retrieve me. I feel that I at least deserve a phone call. I sat with you for 30 minutes each time, and its not like this position is a full time opportunity but a seasonal part time position. ARRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!Most companies these days are cowards. If you can't tell I am upset.

After each generic email or failed interview, I say to myself, "well that job just wasn't meant for me and my job is out there waiting on me" I am starting to wonder when will my job come along. I just have to keep the faith,stay positive and believe that it will happen.

Deuces.......

New Name

As you can see, I have officially renamed myself. After careful thought and consideration, I have decided on A Cup of Jo.

So whenever you feel like having a cup of Jo, just stop by and pay me a visit. Hopefully my post won't be so spaced out in the near future.

I Survived.....

I am currently doing a fast, which calls for no solid foods on Wednesday. This will be every Wednesday until April 24, 2011. I thought that this was the worst thing that could have happened to me, but today wasn't so bad. I only got hungry once, and I survived. I was tempted to cheat but I said a little prayer and that temptation went away. Today was a true test. I am the type of person that usually gives into temptation, if I want it then I am going to get it, no questions asked. Today, I was so in control. I didn't devour the bag of Doritos like I wanted to or eat some fried chicken with okra. No I drunk my water, my smoothies, and ate my tomato broth/soup.

I am so proud of myself, Way to go Jo!!!!! 1 Wednesday down and I don't know how many more to go.


Deuces.......

So, as of lately, I have been obsessed with working out, eating right, and losing weight. This started about two years ago. At my heaviest I was 154, 154 doesn't seem like a lot but on my 5'1 frame it is a lot. I will have to post a pic, but now. I have noticed that the only time I have stayed on it eating wise was when I was I was held accountable. Meaning when I had to check in for whatever weight loss challenge I committed myself to.

So I have decided that this year will be the year that I finally do it. Get to my goal weight and stay there. I have no problem exercising, its the eating part that I struggle with the most. I am going to start expressing myself more about the challenges I face here on my blog. Now this will not turn into a weight loss blog or anything like that but this blog will help me to get things off my chest, I will also let you guys know what I am doing, and what kind of food I eat. I will also check in with my weight from time to time. Just so you know, I weighed in this morning and it read 146.2. That 146.2 is a whole nother post.

So here's to a better me. Wish me luck guys.

I just realized that I started every paragraph with the word so, Funny.

Deuces.....

Well 2010 has come to a close, and 2011 is here. I have to admit that I am excited about starting this new year. I honestly feel like good things are in store for me this year. My BFF made a comment like,"nothing changes in the new year, but its a good reason to start over." Its something like, sorry if I quoted you wrong. The point is I like what is stands for; my situation is not going to change over night but the new year gives me a reason to wipe my slate clean, work harder on my personal goals this year, and to just start anew.

I made 4 goals to complete by the end of 2010 and I am proud to say that I have completed 3 out of 4. The only one I didn't complete was to find a job. I didn't find a job but I did look for a job damn near everyday and I had tons of interviews.

So, I have made more goals to accomplish in 2011. Here they are

1. Find a job

2. Limit my cursing, especially the use of the word bytch. By doing this I would have to come up with a new blog name, any suggestions????

3. Become a healthier & better me.

4. Get a bikini body

5. To stop a disgusting habit, that I rather not mention on this blog.

6. Floss everyday

7. Try new things

I am so ready for the upcoming year.