Happy Anniversary or Not?

Seven years ago I stood in front of a judge staring in my future husband's eyes reciting martial vows. I thought that day 09/27/2005 marked the beginning on my new life.

Well that was seven years ago and now I'm waiting on the judge to sign my divorce papers. Usually I get a phone call or text wishing me a Happy Anniversary, but not today. I'm feeling indifferent about it only because I would like to hear those words. I think...... I don't even know what I even want.   I'm actually fighting the urge to make the phone call. If I do then I seem vulnerable, & if I don't then it doesn't matter to him anyway.

I think that I just miss my friend.  My ex husband and I were friends before we were lovers. It took us at least 3 years before we even had sex.  We could talk about anything, and I miss my friend.  We can't be friends because I am nowhere near that mentally.  I just couldn't handle it right now.  Just thoughts of him and other women make me nauseous. Maybe one day we will get there but right now, no. 

The real question is when will I stop referring to 09/27 as my anniversary. Now its just another day. If anybody say that divorce is easy, they are lying.  Divorce is hard.  Starting over is hard.