Happy Anniversary or Not?

Seven years ago I stood in front of a judge staring in my future husband's eyes reciting martial vows. I thought that day 09/27/2005 marked the beginning on my new life.

Well that was seven years ago and now I'm waiting on the judge to sign my divorce papers. Usually I get a phone call or text wishing me a Happy Anniversary, but not today. I'm feeling indifferent about it only because I would like to hear those words. I think...... I don't even know what I even want.   I'm actually fighting the urge to make the phone call. If I do then I seem vulnerable, & if I don't then it doesn't matter to him anyway.

I think that I just miss my friend.  My ex husband and I were friends before we were lovers. It took us at least 3 years before we even had sex.  We could talk about anything, and I miss my friend.  We can't be friends because I am nowhere near that mentally.  I just couldn't handle it right now.  Just thoughts of him and other women make me nauseous. Maybe one day we will get there but right now, no. 

The real question is when will I stop referring to 09/27 as my anniversary. Now its just another day. If anybody say that divorce is easy, they are lying.  Divorce is hard.  Starting over is hard. 

Life, What Can I Say

It has been such a long time since I last blogged.  Life has just gotten in the way.
The last time I was on here I was talking about how I didn't want to sign my divorce papers, but I did.  It was one of the hardest things that I had to do, but I can't make someone do something that they don't want to do.  It just hurts to know that the person that was suppose to be your forever is no longer your forever.  *Tear*  I'm still a little sad about it.  I just take one day at a time. 

My mom was diagnosed with the early stages of breast cancer.  I know that she is going to be okay.  Anytime you have to go under and doctors have to cut you, its serious.  I am actually at the hospital right now, they just took her back to perform the surgery. 

I have been working my ass off.  I don't feel like its appreciated but I thank God for my job and my check looks nice.  I need to go on a spending diet.  My bank account is upset with me right about now.

I have been going to boot camp for like the last month or so.  I LOVE IT!!!!!! It takes all the stress away and its a nice ending to a long work day. For that one hour all of those thoughts that race through my mind on a daily is gone. 

I just gave everyone a quick update on whats been going on in my life.  Its nothing much but its my life.  Its just me taking one day at a time, trying to manage. 

Don't worry, I will be back soon.